The Thing About Me, Pt 2

Let me start by telling a story. I was in a relationship at one point several years ago. At some point, we decided that it was time to move in together since we spent every day and every night with each other. The plan was for me to move in with her. Now lets fast forward a few years. Things have become rocky. Infidelity on her part became a constant issue in the relationship. So one night in particular, a huge argument ensued. After a lengthy exchange (quiet escalated exchange at that), I was told that I should get out of "her bed" and that I shouldn't sleep on "her couch" either. Many thoughts went through my mind instantly in that moment. One of which was that just earlier that day, everything was "ours". It's remarkable how fast things change. Another thought I had was actually verbalized. At that point, I decided that I didn't want to be a "guest" anywhere anymore. I promptly told her that I would just leave altogether. Now keep in mind that I technically had no where to go at that point. I had no family in the city and no friends that I trusted enough to inconvenience. In that moment, none of that mattered. In the beginning, she was all hard about the situation...even attempting to "assist" me in getting my things out the door. It wasn't until I was carrying the last of my items out of the door to my car that she felt the need to block the door and plead with me to stay and talk. Needless to say, I declined and proceeded to my car with no idea what was next. That was the last time I stepped inside that apartment.

This story says a lot about the way I am, but I'm not sure many people will get out of it what this story says. Some time later, I ran into her. We talked about how things ended. She stated that she never expected me to leave. That she figured she would be able to talk to me and smooth things over. She expected that everything said during that heated exchange was all emotion and would pass once we both calmed down. As I look back over other situations in my life, this seems to be a common practice of the people I've dealt with.

In a previous post, I eluded to the fact that there is a process to everything that I do or say. With this in mind, it should come to no surprise that my words have been chosen specifically and my actions have been measured accordingly. Even in the most volatile moments, I try to keep a level head in the decisions I make. If I cannot be rational in that moment, then I will postpone the process until rational thinking has returned. The story above may sound like it was a rash and emotional decision, but it was quite the opposite.

There is one thing that can be taken away from the story above about me. I am not the type of person you can say things just to try and solicit a specific reaction. I have found that my actual reaction often differs from the expected reaction 9 times out of 10. I hate when people say "I expected you to..." or "you were suppose to..." after a situation didn't go as they planned. To me, that feels like a deliberate test of an individual...a test for control or for manipulation. It is in your best interest to ensure you mean exactly what you say to me. You never know if you're actually putting a thought in my mind that was never even there in the first place.