Closure

I was having an interesting conversation with an associate the other day that really made me think on the concept of closure. She is going through a situation that seems all too common for people I know...and even for me. She ended a relationship last year or maybe the year before. She never really gave me the actual time frame, but it felt pretty recent from the way she talked about the situation. The reason the break up feels so recent when she talks of it is because all of these emotions have resurfaced since finding out a couple months ago that this ex was currently mourning the lose of his one year old baby that she knew nothing about. Furthermore, the time of the relationship would have happened during the conception of, birth of, and at least a little bit of the life of this unknown baby. I would have to agree that this new information is a lot to deal with. It hits like a ton of bricks and will bring out some, if not all, of whatever emotions she has been dealing with...or more likely repressed inside.

With the flood of these emotions, she decided she would write this ex a long message of "declaration" in my opinion...of the hurt he caused and of her strength she has gained. I can appreciate her desire to push forward and to grow in spite of the her pain. With that being said, I always ask people "what do you want to accomplish with this" before giving my opinion on anything. I feel this is a very important question. Most times people's goal in doing things are all about the other person and has very little to do with their actual growth or progression. It's because they need that other person to know that they didn't win or they didn't triumph. It's because they need that other person to feel some guilt or responsibility for their decisions and ultimately their damage caused. I get that emotional need of validation, but I feel it does nothing for the person. In fact, sometimes I feel it hurts the person more than helps. In the name of "closure", people tend to put themselves right back into situations they have tried hard to escape. It's like escaping a burning building suffering only non-fatal burns but feeling the need to run back in that same building to take a dump in the toilet one last time.

Healing from the burns has nothing to do with returning to the building fire that burned you. Healing begins on the inside and takes place wherever you want it to be. Closure is making the choice to leave it all where it is and move on. Your progress to being a better person CANNOT be dependent on someone else's release of you.