A Better Me: Part 1

I describe my approach to the first 37 years of my life as living like a chameleon. By that, I mean that I've lived life constantly changing myself and/or masking myself according to who I was around or whatever situation I was facing in an attempt to protect myself. Recently, I've worried that I did a disservice to myself in living this way.

One of my biggest concerns thus far has always been that I would not be accepted or valued for the person I am, for the way I think, and for the level of which I feel. I've experienced people misunderstanding or depreciating what makes me who I am time and time again. For that reason, I have learned to "water down" myself for the sake of other people. My process was to guard myself by making everyone else's comfort and happiness a higher priority than my own.

It goes without saying that there are so many things wrong with this approach. A person can/will lose who they really are this way. A person can/will feel lonely...even in times when they aren't necessarily alone. A person can/will grow increasingly frustrated with other people and even more so with themselves. A person can/will withdraw from other people in an attempt to avoid the charade that they must keep up.

So I vow to care for me first...physically, psychologically, and spiritually. I vow that I will always allow my natural personality to show. I vow to do the things that I'm comfortable with and that make me happy regardless of what the greater consensus may be. I vow to disassociate myself from the who's and the what's that make me feel like I am not enough just the way I am.

Even though I know these vows sound simple enough, the work that go into this should not be underestimated. When you're a person that has operated a certain way for so long, breaking habits can be difficult to do. For anyone else with aspirations of becoming a better you, just know that you aren't alone in that journey.