Reassurance

A friend of mine sent me a very interesting blog post the other day. It was centered around Reassurance. There were a few takeaways from the post that really stood out to me. You SHOULD go check it out here: Grateful Dating: Reassurance.

The first point that resonated with me is that she mentioned her idea of being happy. Many people feel that people come into their lives to bring them some sense of happiness. That is simply not the case nor is it rational thinking. By default, there is always what I call "the honeymoon phase" when a person meets someone where everything brings them a major high because of the newness. Unfortunately, this period does wear off and things will always normalize. It'll either be the happiness or the misery that existed before the relationship that would ultimately fill that relationship. The key to remember with this is that happiness is only shared from the inside and not provided from outside.
**This should be a post all by itself.**

The above in a sense leads into the second point (and the real thought of the author's post), which she calls the reassurance cycle. What I gathered from this is that a person gets into the habit of seeking reassurance by asking a series of "horrible, impossible, tricky" questions, often times with no clear or acceptable answer. The problem with these lines of questioning is that it causes an even larger divide between the two people involved, resulting in frustration and a larger sense of disconnect. Personally speaking, I hate this because it always feels like a test where there are no correct answers. Regardless of what I say, it is never good enough nor does it ever settle that person's feelings. Even the simplest of questions can and very likely will only spiral into even more challenging and ridiculous questions.

In my reading of the article and reflecting on my life's experiences, it seems to me that people miss the fact that reassurance has to start from within. I know that sounds a little crazy, but just hear me out on this thought. My rational is that a person seeks that reassurance because of some type of doubt or fear. It may begin as a simple question, but consequently the "reassurance cycle" begins (and never ends) because the answer(s) never fully extinguish the doubt or fear. It's my opinion that there is nothing someone else can say that will satisfy that...meaning that some innocent soul has been taken needlessly through an uncomfortable and insatiable line of questioning where resolution is virtually impossible. I would think it would make more sense to first seek reassurance with whatever situation from within yourself. I think that's the only way you will be able to uncover the underlying roadblock that you are experiencing and can avoid a lot of those questions that simply have no right answers.