Your Song

I was listening to a song written and performed by a family friend named "The Song Within". In the beginning, he talks about how we all have a song inside of us that inspires and strengthens us. The song lyrics starts with "It keeps me going when I feel like giving up; it gives me hope when it seems all hope is gone;". It's a very uplifting song.

Listening to this song got me thinking about my "song"...the thing within me that brings me joy, hope, and peace. I also began to think about common things that I do in my regular life. I can remember driving to a show or an event...having joy about whatever experience I was about to have. I can remember how quickly that moment would turn from joy to anxiety and discomfort if I am impacted by something like traffic, getting lost, or running late. The first and natural thing that I do...without thinking...is turning off the music that I was listening to at that moment in an effort to "focus" or concentrate on the issue at hand. I turn off the music?!? I find that I mute my music thinking that it helps me to resolve my issues or obstacles.

I realize that this is a common reaction for me in most aspects of my life. I find that I tend to mute the "music within" thinking that he helps me to focus on resolution. The very thing(s) that bring me joy, hope, and peace are being silenced in the very moment I need them the most. The only thing that I get in those times is a growing sense of sorrow until my struggle has passed. I have effectively switched my focus to the sorrow surrounding the struggle instead of the joy of the experience.

Are you anything like me? Do you turn down or off your "music" thinking you're doing yourself a good service? I challenge you today to lean into your music within in troubling times. I challenge you today to never mute your music...never silence your joy...never deafen your hope...never suppress your peace.

Scapegoats

I really have a problem that I need to talk on...yet another thing that divides us as humans and as citizens of this country. There was a tragic event that happens a week or so ago where a 5 year old child who was white was shot in the head at near point blank range by a neighbor who was black. This story is so unimaginable and so infuriating. What is even more upsetting is that I have seen a lot of people using this event and opportunity to question where the "outpour" for this kid, Connor Hinnant, like there was for others during the BLM protest. Ridiculous!!! People have taken this opportunity to blame the media for being divisive in its coverage of things like this. I want to say first and foremost that the media is not responsible for what we expose ourselves to nor is it responsible for what we tend to believe. The media will only show what gets attention...what gets them views. Very similar to why people post their images on IG or there videos on TikTok or Youtube chasing views and likes, the media will push the stories that will increase their viewership. The only people responsible for our exposure and our guilability is ourselves...specifically people who only HEAR one side of a story and accept it as truth. Different people highlight the same events through different vantage points and will deliver commentary from their perspective. If we learn to keep ourselves well-rounded and educated on all perspectives, we are much less influenced and allowed to be misguided. I also want to say that coverage of recent events are rarely driven by the event itself. Ahmaud Arbrey was shot in February, but it took more than (2) months for the story to really hit. It is not necessarily the event that sparks these stories to go viral, but it is the people who refuse to allow the story to fall to the waistside that drives it. "The squeaky wheel gets the grease" is an old saying that basically states that you have to be the loudest to get the attention. THIS is why the outpour for George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Trayvon Martin, Michael Brown and others drew so much attention. It's because every needless death is unjustified. It's because every murderer should be arrested, tried, and held responsible for their crimes. It's because everyone's life should be respected and valued regardless of race, sex, age, or gender identity. My heart hurts for Connor Hinnant, and I sincerely hope his murdered gets the absolute worst judgment imaginable. At the end of the day, let's place the focus where it should be. Let's not make this a reason to add in the divide. Let's not make this a reason to place blame and point fingers. Let's rally around what is right and around those who have had inconceivable loses.

Even the Pain Has Purpose

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14Then said Jesus unto them plainly, Lazarus is dead. 15And I am glad for your sakes that I was not there, to the intent ye may believe; nevertheless let us go unto him.
John 11:14-15

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For as long as I can remember, I have questioned my purpose here. I wondered if there was a plan for my existence...if this life was wasted on me instead of someone of better character or more potential. I could never understand why I always seemed to have a hard time in life, or why I always seemed to make the wrong choices...even with the best intentions in mind. Truth be told, things could always be worse...but at the same time, I have felt like I have been consistently stretched beyond my physical, mental, and spiritual limits. Ultimately, I wondered why would God put me through this much if I was meant to do something in life.

Then I went to church a couple weeks ago. With a heavy heart and a broken spirit, I pulled myself away from yet another moment of despair hoping to be given some spiritual mending. As if speaking directly to me, the pastor spoke of Jesus's response to hearing about Lazarus's death. In the story, Jesus is told of Lazarus's death. He told his disciples of the news then said to them it was good that He was not there when Lazarus died. Many people know of the miracle that Jesus resurrected Lazarus after being died for four days, but there is so much more that can be learned from this passage.

One aspect that I, for one, overlooked is that Lazarus's death and eventual resurrection was serving a greater purpose than just restoring his life. Sometimes we have to go through storms and different layers of turmoil for the benefit of other people. Specifically, Lazarus's death was an opportunity to publicly display the power Jesus had so that His disciples could witness and believe.

Let me first say that I am in no way relating anything I have experienced with death, but perhaps my challenges in life is not for my own benefit but so that someone else can witness the storm and my inevitable triumph. Perhaps my struggles is intentional so that I may SHOW my faith in Him and in His power and grace to answer my prayers. Perhaps my valley experience is only so that I can rejoice and give Him all the glory when I come out on the other side.

If you are someone that struggles with understanding purpose, please remember this passage. Please remember that while everyone will focus on Lazarus returning from the dead, Jesus wanted to show others exactly how He can turn a situation around for those that are witnessing. Your pain is the purpose for the benefit of others to witness your resurrection.

The Bird and the Bag

From my desk at work, I have a view of the top level of our parking garage. I happened to be looking out of the window one day and noticed a plastic bag caught by the breeze. As I watched this bag being tossed about by the wind, I couldn't help but draw parallels from that bag in the wind and my life. This epiphany was jarring and somewhat depressing.

I was hypnotized by this bag for a moment. I noticed how the wind pushed and pulled this bag about. Having no control over direction or altitude, it was entirely at the mercy of the wind. It was completely dominated by it's circumstances. This felt all too familiar to me.

This bag had been changed. At one point, the bag had purpose and value. The bag held things in tact. The bag secured items in tow. However the bag had been discarded somewhere along the way. The bag wasn't needed or wanted anymore. To the bag, it is still the same capable bag. Unfortunately, being thrown away somehow made it something less valuable. Its purpose was served for that moment only to be considered trash once used.

Those thoughts ran threw my head for quite some time. I could relate to what the bag was theoretically. I've lived far too long being tossed about through life...not really knowing where I would end up and not really knowing what purpose I served anymore. I've lived far too long only barely surviving one turbulent life situation to the next.

Out of the corner of my eye, something else appeared that brought me out of my daze. Soaring across the sky in perfect form and glide was a bird. 

So many different thoughts came to mind when that bird entered my view. The same wind that tossed the bag around was the very same wind that this bird soared in. Unaffected in it's motion or destination, the bird seemingly split through the wind with ease. He glide along using the very wind to keep him moving forward and soaring at his desired altitude. His purpose wasn't dependent on anyone else's value system or scale.

I draw so many parallels to the bird and the bag. Today and for most of my adult life, I have felt like the bag. With no real direction and seemingly no control, I am at the mercy of life as to where I end up. I always thought I would be more like the bird though...my true desire. I pray to be able to withstand the wind (life) where I can still glide, soar, and maintain my own altitude on my way to my destiny.

Closure

I was having an interesting conversation with an associate the other day that really made me think on the concept of closure. She is going through a situation that seems all too common for people I know...and even for me. She ended a relationship last year or maybe the year before. She never really gave me the actual time frame, but it felt pretty recent from the way she talked about the situation. The reason the break up feels so recent when she talks of it is because all of these emotions have resurfaced since finding out a couple months ago that this ex was currently mourning the lose of his one year old baby that she knew nothing about. Furthermore, the time of the relationship would have happened during the conception of, birth of, and at least a little bit of the life of this unknown baby. I would have to agree that this new information is a lot to deal with. It hits like a ton of bricks and will bring out some, if not all, of whatever emotions she has been dealing with...or more likely repressed inside.

With the flood of these emotions, she decided she would write this ex a long message of "declaration" in my opinion...of the hurt he caused and of her strength she has gained. I can appreciate her desire to push forward and to grow in spite of the her pain. With that being said, I always ask people "what do you want to accomplish with this" before giving my opinion on anything. I feel this is a very important question. Most times people's goal in doing things are all about the other person and has very little to do with their actual growth or progression. It's because they need that other person to know that they didn't win or they didn't triumph. It's because they need that other person to feel some guilt or responsibility for their decisions and ultimately their damage caused. I get that emotional need of validation, but I feel it does nothing for the person. In fact, sometimes I feel it hurts the person more than helps. In the name of "closure", people tend to put themselves right back into situations they have tried hard to escape. It's like escaping a burning building suffering only non-fatal burns but feeling the need to run back in that same building to take a dump in the toilet one last time.

Healing from the burns has nothing to do with returning to the building fire that burned you. Healing begins on the inside and takes place wherever you want it to be. Closure is making the choice to leave it all where it is and move on. Your progress to being a better person CANNOT be dependent on someone else's release of you.

Controlling Time

There's this saying I've heard several times lately..."people make time for what you want to make time for". That is one of the worst viewpoints I've ever heard.

There are many lines used by individuals in an effort to control another person. This example is one used in an effort to control and/or manipulate another person's time. To me, it is similar to a person saying "no one will love you as much as I do". It plays at controlling for a different reason, but it is still a tool for control.

Here is the fundamental flaw with this statement as I see it. People who are generally good and well loved have many things that pull at their time. People have to make time for family, for work, for personal goals, for health, for self-care activities, etc...all while having the same 24 hours day in and day out. There is virtually an infinite amount of things people want to accomplish in a finite amount of time to do those things.

People in my life will have to understand and respect that I have to spread my time and energy pretty thin. I dedicate a large amount to my family. I dedicate a large amount to my profession. I dedicate a large amount to my goals in life. I dedicate a certain amount (not nearly enough) to my need for self-care. I wish I could make everyone happy. I wish I could be available to everyone as much as they would like. I physically cannot. Moments when people TRY to control how I prioritize my time only pushes me further away from sharing any of my time with them.

My Prayer

Dear Father,

I realize You as the author of all life.
I recognize You as both omnipotent and omniscience.
I yield to Your will for only You know the purpose of things.
I ask not that You remove the storm that rains heavily down on me.
I only ask that You strengthen me to weather the storm until it passes.
I ask not that You remove the mountain that obstructs my path.
I only ask that You reinforce each step I take to navigate over and around it.
I ask not that You remove the sickness that attacks my body.
I only ask that You magnify my spirit that it may never bow to physical frailty
I ask not that You remove the darkness that blackens out everything from my view.
I only ask that You enlighten my other senses that I may navigate the darkness without sight.
I ask not that You take away the situations for I know that there is purpose in Your plan.
I only ask that you prepare me to handle those situations in a way that pleases You.
Your grace and Your mercy is sufficient.
Hear my prayer, Lord.

Amen